Forres Mechanics v Rangers - Death By a Thousand Pies or Death By a Thousand Puns?

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As the excitement and sense of anticipation rapidly grows ahead of our Scottish Cup tie against Forres Mechanics this Saturday, the ever-predictable late night scribbles of the sports writers in the Scottish media appear to be snowballing into a crescendo of puns rather than audio waveforms.

A perusal of the media articles in the build up to this match - and no doubt while the dust settles afterwards as well - will fill your mind with so many puns that you'll be screaming "nurse" or "doctor" from the comfort of a straight jacket next week if you manage to survive that long without punning yourself to death simply by reading match previews and post-match reviews.

You've got the mechanics puns about throwing a spanner in the works and all the variations of that or other mechanic related ones which idle minds can muster. Then you've got the "can-cans" and "can" or "cans" puns jumping out of articles and boring you into a coma, while an industrious and imaginative little Forres bakery has unwittingly given birth to the age of golden ticket and Willy Wonka punage.

What a fantastic wee idea though, eh? Golden tickets inside your scotch pies to win a ticket to the match? Credit where it's due because that's a cracker! No, it's a pie! D'ye see whit ah did there? That wiz nearly puntastic! On the other hand, perhaps not. Am nae too gid it puns, me.

Anyway, movin' swiftly on.... What's the chances that come Saturday half of the Forres players have been stuffin' their bellies with scotch pies for three days to try and win golden tickets for their friends and family? Do you think it's a long shot? Longer than the crossbar challenge? Now, that's a long shot!

Then again, after our extremely encouraging performance on Wednesday night which dumped our wee steel pals from the SPL out of the League Cup, maybe we don't need Forres Mechanics players to do us any favours with their pie eating endevours ahead of the game. In fact there's no maybe about it. We don't need any favours.

If our own players show the same level of determination and spirit that they showed against the SPL leaders Motherwell at Ibrox this week, then Forres should find us more than a handful. We might have been struggling on the road in SFL3, but we haven't been beaten yet away from home despite some absolutely dismal performances, so there is always that to use as a virtual comfort blanket if you're a worried doubter of a person.

Me? Am a positive c*nt, me! Wur gonnae batter 'em! Nae bothar!! Wull win bae three goals!

Forres Mechanics 1 - 4 Rangers. Git it oan a coup'n ya bawbags!

Right, I better apologise profusely and excuse myself as still buzzin' after the win at Ibrox last night before you start sending complaints to the gaffer Frankie about the degenerate quality of my match preview or the unnecessary overuse of expletives and vitriol. Nurse!

Moving swiftly on for a second time.... We got some bad news today because Fran Sandaza's got a broken cheek bone after his collision with Motherwell defender Shaun Hutchinson last night and he's expected to be out of action for several months. There's no need to be too worried about it though because big Jig's better up front than he is in midfield and Kyle Hutton's a perfect partner for young MacLeod in the middle of the park! Sorted!

Andy Little's apparently recovered well from his foot injury as well, so we'll maybe see him returning to the squad for the trip up to Forres. That would certainly give the manager another option up front if needed.

The injury Dean Shiels seemed to suffer last night is reportedly nothing too serious, so hopefully he'll make the trip too. It has to be said, that while he's missed some decent chances for us, his goal against Motherwell was an absolute peach and something we'll be hoping to see from him more often!

I've got to say something about the young Canadian lad Fraser Aird. Surely Ally can't leave him out of the squad after his tremendous showing at Ibrox on Wednesday night? Nah! No chance! Even if he doesn't start, you'd have to think that Ally will have him on the bench. It would be daft not to!

I sincerely hope that the whole team will be wanting to put this away game hoodoo to bed once and for all on Saturday because they certainly owe it not only to Ally and the fans, but to themselves as well. Personally, I think that's exactly what they'll do up in Forres and I was serious with my 1-4 score prediction.

Before I sign off, it's worth mentioning a couple of things for those of you travelling up to the highlands for the game. Firstly, the match commander from Grampian police has issued a statement saying that they're going to be very strict about crowd control.

Apparently there will be strictly no public consumption of alcoholic beverages permitted anywhere in the area and there's set to be searches at Mosset Park where flares or any form of pyro will be confiscated. There was also a mention of no large flags being allowed in the ground which sounds pretty strange, but that's what was said, so heads up and Mon The Gers!!

Possible starting XI:

na

sf  rp  ec  lw

aa  kh  macleod  fa

bm

lm



If you would like to talk about the game, tactics and possible starting XI, please join in the discussion on the Gersnet Forum